Calling Us In: On Being Pro-Choice & Practicing What We Preach

Cardi B's pregnancy has ignited countless conversations and debates that have me wondering how pro-choice we truly are and questioning the risks of shaming those we disagree with

By now it’s fairly common knowledge that Cardi B is pregnant by boyfriend Stefon Diggs. Rumors had swirled around the rapper but it wasn’t until a sit down with Gayle King that Cardi B confirmed the pregnancy directly.

The response to Cardi’s swelling baby bump has been mixed with some praising the performer for her ability to “glow-up” post-divorce from ex-husband, Offset, and others loudly proclaiming that having another child so soon is irresponsible and haphazard — akin to fellow-celeb, Nick Cannon’s nonstop babymaking. These comparisons are silly considering Nick Cannon has twelve children by six different women and struggled to name each of them in a podcast interview earlier this year while Cardi B has primary custody of all three of her children who were a product of her longterm relationship with Offset. Even on Stefon’s front, this child would be either his 3rd or 4th child (depending on how paternity cases pan out).

But that’s not the point. The point is that a woman announced her pregnancy with excitement, confirmed that she feels safe, supported, and resourced enough to bring this child into the world — and we are still debating that choice. I say “we” because many of the most vocal critics of Cardi’s decision to have a child are self-proclaimed “progressives,” “liberals,” and pro-choice advocates.

It begs the question, are we truly pro-choice even when a woman makes a choice that we wouldn’t? Or are we forcing abortion onto pregnant people in the name of reproductive freedom and a moral authority we haven’t earned?

Reproductive justice is a framework advocating for a world where people have the right to decide if and when to grow their families and have the information, support, and resources to do so on their own terms. It’s the right to control one’s body, sexuality, and reproduction — period. In a post-Roe world, this often means fighting for a pregnant person’s ability to terminate a pregnancy safely and without shame or criminalization but this is truly only one part of the conversation. Women and other birthing people also have the right to carry a pregnancy to full term safely and without shame, but we seem to be losing sight of that especially in a world of parasocial celebrity commentary.

Following her now-viral rant about Cardi B’s decision to get and remain pregnant, blogger and podcast host Crissles of The Read defended her harsh words saying that her passion is centered around what’s right for the kids. “I feel more strongly than ever that y’all need to be doing right by these kids and not deliberately bringing them into chaos and confusion,” she said. “I was expecting so much more out of Cardi B because you are not just some broke, bored bitch in the Bronx who don’t got shit else to do.” Ah, now we see the root of the frustration. In Crissles eyes, Cardi B is behaving like a stereotype of a woman having a baby without intention or a plan at the expense of the children she’s bringing into the world. Crissle’s words say more about her perception of working class and poor mothers than of her expectations of a wealthy woman. Reading between the lines, all I hear is “you’re acting like the broke girls who should have visited a clinic” and there’s nothing pro-choice about that sentiment.

I come to this conversation with understanding for both sides. I really do. My own beliefs were put to the test in recent years when someone I love immensely became pregnant. In my eyes, an abortion was a no brainer. This person hadn’t planned the pregnancy and lived in a state where an abortion would have been accessible and relatively affordable. Further, choosing to have the child would have strained her finances and professional dreams. We talked through every option and I made sure she knew I was with her no matter what she chose… though I said that assuming I’d be emotionally supporting her in terminating the pregnancy.

In my head, the decision was already made and then this person shared that she had decided to keep the baby. I was confused and my first inclination was to convince her that she was making the wrong decision. But I could tell that she’d come to this decision full of emotion and angst. This was a college-educated woman who had made up her mind. My job was to be there for that decision. I did have one more conversation where I made it clear what she’d be up against likely parenting alone and taking on immense financial burden and time-constraints at a pivotal point in her career. “But with all of this in mind, if you want to have this baby then I’m in your corner.” And I was.

I have supported this person throughout her pregnancy, labor, and single parenting journey. It has not been easy but reproductive choices rarely are. My shame and judgment would have only compounded the angst she has had to endure. With supportive loved ones by her side, this person is raising a kind, healthy, smart, and silly little kid. Yes, she’s doing it without a real co-parent and it has meant making sacrifices in other areas of her life but it was her choice.

We have got to stop proclaiming to be better than the opposition while following their blueprint. We have got to stop shaming pregnant people for doing things we wouldn’t do. If you don’t like Cardi’s decision, thats OK but it’s not an excuse to berate her or women in similar positions. Cardi B may not see or respond to every comment, but the women in your life are taking note of all the social pressure to conform. They are taking in your conclusions that they couldn’t possible be good mothers or providers. They are hearing you say “it won’t be easy” when the reality is that your criticism is one of the hardest aspects of choosing to parent against others’ wishes.

Cardi B’s children will be well-provided for, nurtured, and loved. Our job is to make sure pregnant people don’t have to be superstars to say the same.

If you want to think about the children, advocate for universal early education (like the system New Mexico just instituted), free healthcare, mandatory parental leave, gun control, environmental protections, student debt cancellation, tech regulation, and other policies that support parents in raising children in safe, affirming, and healthy communities. Be the adult that children need in your family, friend circles, and neighborhoods by supporting parents, schools, and third spaces. Record podcast episodes about the emotional labor of parenting without classist remarks about how “broke bitches from the Bronx” don’t have what it takes. But don’t attack a pregnant woman whose mind has been made up in the name of “the kids.” It obviously won’t change her decision but it contributes to a culture where women are damned if they do and damned if they don’t.